Worried About Illness? Stories Calm Anxiety

It was a cold day in March. Coughs, colds and flus had been weaving their way through my kindergarten, per usual. That morning, I had received several texts from a mother with a little boy who was worried about coming to school, and over the weekend I had learned that another child’s sibling has a rare genetic disease. The news is plastered with fears about coronavirus.

As I greeted the children that morning, one mother looked worried. Another looked guilty. Her little boy Andrew coughed in short, raspy bursts. “He’s been fine all weekend,” she said, “there’s just this lingering cough.”

I’ve taught kindergarten for over thirty years. Over the course of that time I’ve weathered illness in the children, illness in myself, the death of children, the death of mothers, and thousands of sun-filled days. Every year has its own challenges. Now that I teach in a forest kindergarten, most of my parents are glad when their kids come home muddy and a little tired from walking. But illness in the outdoors raises new concerns.

That particular morning, I could feel the anxiety in the parents. Most of it was just the normal anxiety of the cold and flu season, but the constant news of coronavirus raised the stakes. The truth is, I felt sad and heavy. Sickness is real and can strengthen a child, but it can also become scary and overwhelming. As I surveyed the kids, the parents, and myself, I decided to make a last-minute change to my plans, perhaps as much for myself as for the children.

At morning circle, I announced, “Oh dear children, you would not believe who I met on my morning walk today. It was old man Cough and Sneezer. They looked at me and hoped to get a ride, but I said, ‘Oh no, I don’t have room for you today. My pack is filled.’”

The children eyeballed each other, wondering where the story was going. A couple giggled. Andrew coughed, then smiled. There’s something about the way a story can make a child feel seen.

“I saw them heading up north and sneaking into the house of a little boy. Old man Cough jumped on the boy’s chest and Sneezer tickled his nose. They had so much fun that they decided to stay for a whole week! But the mother was not intimidated and she took care to make it so uncomfortable for them that finally they left for the mountains.”

Several of the kids nodded their heads excitedly. They’re accustomed to hearing stories like this. It helps them relax and creates a common ground after a long weekend or night.

“There, they found a bear cave. The bear was not pleased to be interrupted, but he told them they could stay if they would sleep on the osha pillow [osha is an immune-boosting herb found in the mountains that is used by both people and bears in this region]. Well, you might know that this was not a pleasant place for a Cough, and even old man Sneezer felt so uncomfortable that both of them went and hid in the high corners of the cave and became invisible.

“Soon after, some fever fairies came dancing by. They had followed the footsteps of old man Cough and Sneezer. ‘Please, may we stay?’ they asked. The bear opened one eye and said, ‘Only if you don’t heat up the cave. I like to sleep in the cold!’

“Well, that is an impossible task for fever fairies, and before you knew it they had created enough heat that the brush at the entrance to the cave had caught on fire! The bear became unpleasant and growled his meanest growl, which scared the fever fairies, old man Cough, and Sneezer right out of his cave.

“Quickly they found another cave nearby and the fever fairies lit a fire that was so big that the smoke could be seen down in the little town. One of the local firefighters saw the smoke rising and took a small crew to investigate.” One of my little girls perked up. Her father is a fireman.

“Old man Cough saw the firefighters coming and said, ‘Yay! Let me greet him!’ The first fireman who entered the cave had old man Cough jump on his chest with such a might that he tumbled backwards out of the cave and rolled down the mountain.

“The others quickly ran to his rescue, and the second fireman said, ‘I will go next.’ The fever fairies cried out, ‘Yay, this one will be ours!’ Once he entered the cave, the fairies jumped on his head, his heart, and his feet and got him so hot that he thought he would burn up. Jump-jump-jump. He too stumbled backwards out of the cave and rolled in the icy snow nearby to cool himself down.

“The third fire man said, ‘I am immune to fevers and coughs. I will enter.’ But he was not prepared for old man Sneezer, who sat on top of a ledge at the entrance to the cave. Sneezer jumped right on the nose of the third fireman, who gave such a big, ‘Haaaaachooooooo!’ that he sneezed himself all the way down the mountain. It even put a tear in his shirt.

“Oh my goodness, children. The firemen gathered together and the fourth one said, ‘I think we should go home and drink some hot tea and eat some chicken soup.’ They all agreed and Sneezer, old man Cough, and the fever fairies were so tired that they went back into their cave and fell asleep for many a month!”

“My mom makes chicken soup!” one little boy shouted. Others were chuckling. Andrew coughed.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by illness. There’s no question that it requires a serious response. We love our kids. We want them to be healthy. But on this morning I decided to change my approach. By the time I had finished, it already felt less scary and stressful. We had a wonderful day, and the children asked several times to hear another story about old man Cough and Sneezer.

Stories are inherently soothing. They help a child feel seen. They also give a narrative that is sometimes more useful than a straight lesson. We can remind our children to wash their hands because we don’t want them to get germs, but for many children it’s more effective if we use characters like old man Sneezer. Maybe someone named Soapy. It motivates them. If you’re like me, it might help motivate you.

The truth is, germs are mostly imaginary from a child’s point of view. We don’t see them. We don’t have any tangible connection to them other than this is what Mommy and the doctors say. That has its place, but for a young child it’s hardly different from ghosts and goblins. By personalizing the germs, we give our children a character and a story that can help them engage more fully with the material or lessons we wish to share. The levity this brings to real world problems is priceless.

Practice Exercise

Ask your child to tell you a story about illness. Maybe it’s a child or a bear that got sick, then what she had to do, what her mother or father did, etc. The practice is to give her complete freedom. By listening to that story, you will discover things about your child that you might otherwise have a hard time getting in clear words. What stories and ideas are bothering her? What makes her feel safe? How you can use that information to keep her healthy and in good spirit? If the story is sad or heavy, what can you do to help her transform it?

The Storytelling Loop is a newsletter bringing you tips, science, and real-life examples of how storytelling builds the connection between parent and child. It is a joint project of Silke Rose West and Joseph Sarosy, authors of How to Tell Stories to Children. Originally published in August of 2019, a new edition is due out from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in 2021. You can find more from Joseph Sarosy at Fatherly.

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