A Story for Bedwetting
A few years ago, there was a little boy in my class who had been peeing in his pants and his parents were at their wits end. He was six years old, and while they loved their child very much they couldn’t help speaking about the issue with increasing stress whenever they reminded the boy to pee, which was often.
Having taught kindergarten for over 30 years, and raised my own two daughters, I have encountered many challenges like this in little ones, and I have learned to make them into helpful stories. Stories help a young child see the bigger picture in a way that explanations and rules, even praise and sticker charts, do not. That’s because stories engage a child’s imagination, making the whole subject more compelling, less stressful, and easier for a child to “play” with.
This story is an example of what we call the storytelling loop. We start with a real situation – in this case a child wetting his pants – and we bring that into the realm of story. Afterward we don’t just have a good story, we have a new relationship to reality. That’s the loop we’re looking for, because it engages a child in the full spectrum of experience, and it can be applied to almost anything.
Having observed this child and listened to his parents, I began by looking for connecting points. It wasn’t hard to find them. The boy loved to play outside and always listened to my songs with great interest. He also loved mud and was proud of helping his father build with thick adobe bricks. I wove those aspects into the story – so that he would recognize them and feel seen without being singled out – then shared it with him and his parents. It went like this…
Once, a long time ago, there was a little boy who lived near the edge of an old village. He was known for his gentle heart and his caring ways. His home was built from earthen bricks and sheltered him throughout the year. It was a place that knew of love and happiness. In the summer, corn grew plentifully in his garden, and the sound of the birds filled the air with music.
But one thing was a bit troublesome. The boy had grown old enough to go to the bathroom on his own, but he seemed not to care about wetting his pants, which often upset his parents, who had to clean up after him.
His mother told him that he was old enough to clean up after himself, which was not what the boy wanted to hear, and yet he knew that he needed help.
One day, as he was playing in the garden, he heard the voice of old coyote in the distant fields and looked up. It was a very special place he was in, a familiar place, with many willows that swayed in the wind. He felt safe and comforted. Again, the song of old coyote rang out in the distant fields, and the boy heard the rush of the leaves and the chirping of the birds as if the whole world were alive with music.
And that’s when it happened. Suddenly there were words that went along with the music:
“Gentle child, listen to me,
I will help you,
Although I am just a little tree.
I will teach you a song,
It won’t be long,
That will help you to remember me!”
Now, the boy had a keen ear for music and listened to the sound of nature with exquisite beauty. As he did, he looked around. Who was speaking? What was calling him? And as he wondered, he watched the branches of the willow dancing in the wind. Well, he thought, it would be a very special thing to learn a song from a tree.
"Okay,” he called out, “I am ready to listen!"
And again old coyote howled in the distance. The birds chirped and the wind kept time in the branches.
“Little child and little tree,
I help him and he helps me,
Release the water,
That flows through me,
Right here on the earth,
Near willow tree.”
What’s funny is that right at that moment, the little boy felt the urge to pee. But then he quickly felt embarrassed. “Do you mean,” he called out, “that I should pee here in the willows?”
“Yes,” came the answer, “it helps me grow.”
So the boy walked a little ways from where he was playing and peed on the roots of the willow tree. It felt good to be there in the willows, where it was safe and comfortable. He broke off a little twig from the tree and put it in his pocket, to help him remember the song. He would come back if needed.
The boy quickly grew big and strong, and so did the willows, and soon the boy proudly went to the bathroom without ever having to be told. When the boy grew into a man, he sometimes sat in the shade of those willows, listening to the music in their leaves.
Thank you, little willow tree!
After telling this story, the boy’s eyes lit up. The story helped him feel seen and understood, but without singling him out. Watering a plant was something he could relate to, a positive thing to do, and it took the pressure off of doing something right or wrong. He still had accidents, but now he and his parents had a gentle way to speak about it. Within a month, the boy had become much more aware of his body and had no hesitation to pee outside or in the toilet.
Storytelling like this allows parents to step out of the battle ground and be more at ease. A child will pick up on this right away, and the nervous tension around the issue will be eased. This story involved a very specific situation, but once one grasps the basic method, the storytelling loop can be used almost anywhere. This story made sense for this boy and his family, but yours might be different. The basic method remains the same, and there is endless room for diversity and the expression of your particular values and culture.
The Storytelling Loop is a newsletter bringing you tips, science, and real-life examples of how storytelling builds the connection between parent and child. It is a joint project of Silke Rose West and Joseph Sarosy, authors of How to Tell Stories to Children. Originally published in August of 2019, a new edition is due out from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in 2021. You can find more from Joseph Sarosy at Fatherly. Are you interested in storytelling? Join Us.
